Yeah, so remember when this was a blog? I almost didn’t. I kind of forgot I even had it until I got the notice to renew the domain. One of my new year’s goals is to actually use this site for something, so here we are.

Actually, I want to outline some goals and things I have for 2017. Every year begins the same way for me: I imagine all the stuff I’m going to do, I imagine that I’m going to figure out my life and what I was put in this universe to do, I’m going to fall in love harder than ever, and everything is going to be awesome. Then, the months escape from me, and I realize I did nothing all year but play video games and eat. I don’t want that to happen to me this year. I want to have something to show for 2017, something to show that I actually did participate in 2017 in a meaningful way. That’s why I’m writing this. I want to hold myself accountable.

I will list some goals below, but here are the main points of them.

1. Write more
Writing is my happy place, so I want to find the time and the appropriate outlets for it. I want to write about my life here, my beauty stuff on my other blog, and to focus on fiction and editing and getting published. The older I get, the more I feel like writing is my superpower, so it only makes sense to take it as far as I can. That’s not to say it’s going to take me as far as I want to go; reality will require me to have a backup plan. As much as I feel like writing is my purpose, I also feel like maybe it isn’t.

2. Figure out my life
I am 31 years old and I still struggle with having a sense of focus or purpose. I also struggle with long-term planning. I still don’t have a degree or a real career; sometimes I want those things, and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I’m content to be aimless, sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I think I know what I want to study; I’ve thought of becoming a paralegal because the legal system fascinates me and it’s a great way to work in the field without having to go to law school. But you know what else fascinates me? Literature. Language and culture. Mixology. Acting. Genetics. I think about all my options and making the right decision and then I get overwhelmed and I just stay aimless. This is the year I’m going to figure out what the focus of my life will be, and then find a way to reconcile the rest as hobbies.

3. Be my own health advocate
So I haven’t been to the doctor since I got too old to be on my parents’ insurance. I don’t quite remember what age that is, but it’s been at least ten years. That’s far too long to go without any preventative care. Since I turned 30, I’ve felt the urgency to hurry up and live, like I’m running out of time. I didn’t feel it before then, when I felt like I would be 20 forever and had plenty of time. 2016 didn’t help; all these high-profile people who died very young reminded me of my own mortality. I could be one of these people dying at 50 because I couldn’t be arsed to go to a doctor. If I die at 50 after doing everything I could for myself, then fine, that’s how it was meant to be. Dying at 50 from something I could have prevented at 31, that’s not okay.

4. Be the change
I just want to be a better person this year. 2016 sucked because all these terrible things — things like racism and bigotry, homophobia, sexism and misogyny — all these things that I thought we’d left in the past are suddenly now crawling out of the woodwork and trying to find homes in 21st century American life. I don’t want to be a part of that, and I want to offset as much of that ignorance and fear as I can. I want to voluteer to work with refugees. I want to mentor an at-risk child. I want to be a force that makes my city a better place. It won’t get done if I don’t do it.

That’s basically it. I think all of this boils down to “be a better person” in some way or another. I probably could have just written that and finished early. But here’s a detailed list of things I want to do this year. Some of them I probably will accomplish. Others are dreams that I hope will come true eventually.

• Go to yoga classes
• Go back to school
• Edit a novel
• Learn how to French braid my hair
• Make a Baked Alaska
• Play croquet in my backyard
• Brew my own beer
• Swim laps every day during pool season
• Read books
• Get a better skincare routine
• Start composting
• Fix the camera on my phone
• Sew some of my own clothes
• Be a better blogger
• Be a better beauty blogger
• Declutter my closets
• Stop being so lazy at gardening
• Stop being so lazy at housekeeping
• Stream myself playing video games
• Buy a rain barrel
• Get better WordPress themes
• Travel to places I haven’t been yet
• Learn some stuff
• Spend more time with Boyfriend
• Win a dance battle
• Go to Disney World
• Grow more of my own food
• Stop wasting so much of the food I do grow
• Make better drinks
• Get a new sofa
• Use up some makeup
• Have a full Cards Against Humanity set
• Make new friends
• Don’t die
• Don’t burn my house down